New gig!

I have taken on a new role here in the Fairbanks community. A local dance studio, Dance Theater Fairbanks, is basing their spring performance around a locally written childrens book. I am going to narrate the story for the performance. It should be a lot of fun and will hopefully help me not obsess about the adoption. (I do openly admit to spending way too much time surfing yahoo groups, blogs and snapfish for photos and stories of others on similar journeys.) The book is about a Vole family and the Northern Lights. It is really precious and I can't wait to start work on the project. I had recently decided not to participate in a larger scale production that would have been too time consuming for us right now, so it feels good to still be involved on some level.

First Trimester

In many ways, I am finding that adopting is very much like a typical pregnancy. We have already conceived the child in our hearts, but the first trimester can really take a toll physically with all of the exhaustion and nausea. With adopting, the toll is in the form of paperwork...and more paperwork...and more paperwork. Exhaustion comes in the form of making sure that everything has been signed and filled out properly. Sometimes I think, "Oh my word, what were we thinking!?" (Just like I did when we found out we were pregnant with each of our biological children.) And other times, I am so excited I can hardly stand it. I think about every possible detail and scenario imaginable. What will she look like. Will I be the best mom for her that I can be. Will I finally get a child that has my curly hair? (Odds are good!) Our first steps have included completing a "mini" application back in September and recently a "formal" application. It is currently en route via Iraq for some signatures from Doug. The next step closer to getting out of this trimester will be to complete our Dossier. We are anticipating that to be completed and sent off by the end of May at the latest. Then, we wait and rest in God's arms for a few months. I think that will be much like the "feel good" stage of the second trimester. Then the third trimester. Knowing who your child is and having to wait to pass court and travel. The stage when you are so sick of being pregnant and just want to hold your baby and to know that it was all worth while. The time when you get to share your child with the world. The time when you get to show the world what a miracle God has done. I hope that the world will see God's beauty in our story. The beauty in how God can do anything!

Our Adoption Journey

Eight years ago when we had our youngest son Matthew, if you had told us that we would have one more child, we would have very maniacally laughed in your face. The thought of ever having more children would have never crossed our minds. We were so positive about our choice that we even made it permanent. We felt that our family was totally complete. We spent so many tired years with three little ones that we were very happy to move past those days. Don't get me wrong, we loved each of our precious years with them when they were little. But, there were no tears shed to see the last of the diapers if you know what I mean! We celebrated many lasts with Matthew. But, about 4 years ago, I had a quiet voice speak to me that there would be one more. Another girl! The thought that we would add to our family at that time was so impossible in so many ways. For one, Doug thought that I was insane and I think was secretly hoping that I would forget all about it. For another, we were broke financially just trying to take care of the three babies we already had. How could we ever even think about another child to take care of! I never said no to God's call to adopt, but I knew that He would have to move mountains. Well, He has! We are now in the early stages of our adoption process. Our hearts have been completely changed to the idea of adoption and our circumstances have changed dramatically. I can't wait to one day, in the presence of my Lord, see how our desire to be obedient to His call in our lives fit into His master plan.